Packing for the Hospital

I was excited that you all choose this one for me to talk about in my poll on Instagram this past week. (If your not already following me there, be sure to!
It’s @maine_mama_diaries )

So what should be going in your hospital bag?
Did you ever go off to collage, and that first year you realized you brought WAY TO MUCH and by your senior year, you basically just had some sweat pants and a blanket?
Well we want to find that middle ground here. Its great to be prepared….but you don’t need that much!

When To Pack / Be Ready:
I suggest at 36-37 weeks having your bags as ready as they can be and in a good grab spot. (we stored ours in the nursery, where it was out of the way.) You can take your time getting your bag together and then have a sigh of relief knowing your prepared when the moment comes, and if your not home when you go into labor a family member or friend can grab it for you and it will all be together and in one spot.
with that being said, I suggest designating a family member or friend with a spare key who you can relay on to be that go to person for you if you need someone to do this.
You also want to make sure you have your carseat installed and ready to go. You don’t want to fumble with that at the hospital.

packed

Who Your Packing For:
(My husband and I were able to fit both of our stuff into 1 duffle bag, so the list might sound big but its not.)
1. Mom
2. Baby (use a diaper bag.)
3. Partner

– Mom –
1. The bag
2. Toiletries
– Toothbrush / toothpaste
– Makeup (if you think you need it, for those photos that you know will happen.)
– Shampoo / Conditioner / Shower Gel / Face Wash (the hospital will supply you with this, but its not going to be your salon style brand, so if you want to feel more at home, bring your own in some little travel containers.)
– Lotion (something soothing and hydrating. but you will have a baby on you now so make sure its something that won’t upset your babies sensitive skin.)
– Chapstick ( I can’t stress this one enough….heck pack 3! )
– HAIR TIE ( I totally forgot one….one of the nurses was nice enough to give me hers.)
– Hair Brush
-Glasses / Contacts
3. Clothing
– Nursing bras (I didn’t wear a bra unless we were having visitors. It depends on how comfortable you are with exposure, and how chesty you are.)
– Night Gowns / PJs (I brought my own nursing night gowns, my mom found them on amazon, super comfortable and makes you feel better then being in a Jonny, esp if your having visitors.
-GRANNIE PANTIES! – if your having a c-section get some really high waisted ones or really low cut ones. But your probably going to want the high ones so that you can keep an over size pad there. Trust me on this one.
-Slippers / flip flops to walk around in. (the hospital provided me with non-slip socks.)
– Something loose & comfortable to go home in.
4. Entertainment
– Labor can be quick or it can be a long process. Bring along a book, your computer, a deck of cards, some magazines. Something that can keep your mind busy.
6. For the breastfeeding mamas
– Nursing Pads
– Nipple cream
– Boppy Pillow or a “Breast Friend” Pillow
5. Odd & Ends
– Phone Charger
– Favorite snack / mints / chocolates

Baby
Odds are your baby will be in a hospital blanket or doing skin on skin with you most of the time you are there, but there are some things you will want.
1. Onesies – Grab a few sizes, newborn & size some 0-3 months. If you want to really be safe, grab a 3 month too. Be sure to pick out a cute going home outfit! (depending on the season be sure to grab a hat, socks, long sleeves if its cold out.)
2. Car Seat – Hospitals require you to bring the car seat inside so they can check it for safety and so they know you have one.
3. Announcement Goodies – We had a letter board that we put his info on for an announcement photo we took. You might have a special blanket/swaddle or stuffed animal that you want to use.
4. Swaddles (the hospital will have some, but if you want your own.)
5. Burp Cloths

*You shouldn’t need diapers, diaper cream, formula or pump stuff as the hospital will supply that for you. Be sure to check with your maternity ward if they have a pump / parts for you to use or if you need to bring anything.

Leo’s announcement photo, him in his boppy, and his going home outfit.

Partner
My husband didn’t leave my side while we were at the hospital. Some dads might go home for a few hours to shower and change, Try to plan this in advance, but things might change.
1. A couple changes of clothes, including pjs (sometimes you end up in the hospital longer then expected.)
2. Toiletries (shower stuff / toothbrush / toothpaste )
3. Phone Charger
4. Pillow – those couch beds are not the most comfortable. (my husband and I were in the hospital for 4 nights, anything to make it more comfortable the better!)
5. Entertainment – book / computer. Sitting in that room all day can make you crazy.
6. Spare Cash – Trips to the food court are aways necessary. Some times the hospital does not provide a guest meal and some times its only 1 meal a day they offer the spouse. So they will need to be able to go get some food.
7. Snacks.

I really hope this helps you out! I am going to do a blog soon all about your hospital stay. It was going to be in this one but there was enough here and there will be enough for the hospital stay to be their own posts! 🙂

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Until next week mamas
-Amanda

What’s in my Pump Bag? & Pumping at Work.

The past few posts have been a little deep. Let’s keep this week light.
I get asked this A LOT! What’s in my pump bag! & tips about pumping at work and on the go. I am also including links to EVERYTHING I talk about! Your welcome!!!

Me going back to work really helped get Leo on a schedule with eating and me on a schedule with pumping. I always feed him or top him off at 8:00 a.m. before we head out to daycare / work. Then he eats (a pumped bottle) again at 11:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m.
I am out of work at 5:00 p.m. and he is home breastfeeding with me between 5:30 – 6:00 p.m. So he only needs 2 bottles a day. So I pump 2x a day at work (while he is eating at daycare so him and I stay on the same schedule.)

Here is my pump bag! I LOVE IT. It’s a Medela Pump Bag and I got it on Amazon. (I have another stationary one at home but I got this one too because the pump is built into the bag, where I can keep all my pumping supplies. Its the same grade as the one I have at home too. It comes with a cooler that holds 4 bottles and an icepack that fits around the bottles.

– WHATS IN THE BAG! –

The pump itself.
Tupperware – with all my pump parts. (it keeps them together and I can take them to the sink and rinse them easier then trying to carry it all and having to worry about setting it down on a dirty counter.
Cooler bag – This bag holds 4 bottles with an icepack. (I don’t use the icepack at work because I am able to just store the milk inside the cooler bag in a fridge.) If you get this pump, then the cooler bag comes with it!
Lysol – I always wash my hands before I sit down to pump, and I clean down the service that my pump will be sitting on as well with Lysol wipes. I also have a mini lysol spray and some hand sanitizer in the bag as well.
Pump cleaning wipes – these are NOT a replacement for cleaning your pump parts with hot soapy water! But these wipes are great for on the go and mid day pumps. I use these to wipe down my pump parts after my morning pump, then I rinse the parts under water. (after my second pump I only rinse the parts with water because I won’t be using them again that day.) When I get home I wash each part with hot soapy water, then sterilize them with my Philips microwave steam sterilizer.
Water & Snacks! – I try and drink a 16oz water bottle with every pump. hydration is key! & who doesn’t eat like a garbage disposal when they pump / breastfeed?! I found these awesome Mother’s Milk bars on Amazon (they are like the tea, but equivalent to 3 cups of said tea) & I think they are tasty! Some times I have almonds and I am a huge fan of the oatmeal cream pies, which a lot of mamas rave about help them. Oatmeal does help & hey, if it give me an excuse to eat little debbies I am in!
Nursing pads – I have only ever leaked 1 time and it was waking up one morning after Leo had slept longer then he normally does….so I have never had to use these…but if I do leak I don’t want to be caught without them so I keep a set on me just in case! Nursing Pads.
Nipple cream – just a good thing to have. My boobs have defiantly & luckily toughened up and I don’t really need this anymore, but some times at the end of the week full of lots of pumping its some good little self care & this cream is super nice.
Journal & Pen – Before Leo was born, before we even knew if he was going to be a boy or a girl I started keeping a journal for him and writing down about when we found out I was pregnant, about how we told people, the gender reveal, the baby shower, his birth, his first Christmas, how is name was picked, stories about me and his dad. Something that I will give to him when he is much older. I like to write in it when I am pumping some times. A lot better use of my time then scrolling Facebook.
Nursing Bra – another awesome find from amazon. Its Medela as well. Its like a tube top that zips in the front, I just put it on while I am pumping so that I can be hands free and it holds tight for great suction. My nursing bras can double as a pump bra, but it just never works out for me when I do it. So investing in one of these is a must for me.
Extra’s – I keep a chapstick, some spare pump parts, & battery plug. When I am on the go, I can even through my wallet in there so that I don’t have to also carry a purse.

See why this bag is so great!? It holds everything I need, all together, and I don’t have random parts floating around my desk or my purse. I know its all together and staying clean. I bring this bag to work with me everyday and sometimes when I am on the road I use it then too. It has a battery pack that can be used if you can’t plug into the wall while your on the go!

Pumping at work:
I just have a couple things I want to say about this because I know not all mama’s know these things and they should, and I see so many times on those mom pages conversations about this and it really gets me fired up and upset. So here are some facts every pumping mama should know.

First, I am SO FRIGGIN LUCKY & GRATEFUL that my work is so pump friendly. (Hi Hannah if your reading this!) My boss who is a mama of 2 adorable little babes, currently pumps too. She has a fridge in her office that we store our milk in too so I don’t have to think about other people touching it or worrying about someone making snarky comments if its in the community fridge at work. (I have heard horror stories about this on other pages.) So she totally gets it and is on the same journey I am, which makes my life so much easier. Its so nice to have that support at work. I am supplied with my own office to pump in with a big desk and a comfy chair with a sign on the door to use when I pump.

I know not everyone is as lucky. BUT YOU DO HAVE RIGHTS!
Did you know there are laws that make it illegal for your company to even suggest that you pump in the bathroom? & There is no reason (unless you enjoy it) that you should be out pumping in your car. Your employer must provide a clean and private environment for you to pump in. If you didn’t know this, and your not happy with your pump conditions I strongly suggest you talk to your HR department and get it taken care of.

Here is a list of your rights:
(This is from registerednursing.org) Lots of amazing info here. But here is the section about workplace, Check it out for more info once your done here! https://www.registerednursing.org/right-breastfeed-baby/

- Legislating Breastfeeding
  - Except for the U.S., all developed countries have laws mandating paid compensation and leave for women after giving birth
  - The Affordable Care Act (ACA) promises these rights to breastfeeding mothers:
    - Employers must provide reasonable break time when breastfeeding employees need to express breast milk for one year after the child’s birth
    - Employers are not required to compensate an employee receiving reasonable break time for any work time spent on breastfeeding
    - Employers must provide a space, other than a bathroom, for employees to express breast milk
    - Employers with fewer than 50 employees are not held to these requirements
  - State laws supplement federal protection
    - Legislation Across America
    - States that allow women to breastfeed in any public or private location
  - Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, DC, Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington, West Virginia, Wisconsin and Wyoming
- States that exempt breastfeeding from public indecency laws
  - Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, DC, Florida, Illinois, Kentucky, Louisiana, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Carolina, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Virginia, Washington, Wisconsin and Wyoming
- States that have passed legislation for breastfeeding in the workplace
  - Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut, DC, Delaware, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Louisiana, Maine, Minnesota, Mississippi, Montana, New Mexico, New Hampshire, New York, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, Washington and Wyoming
- States that allow breastfeeding mothers to be exempt or postpone jury duty
  - California, Connecticut, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Oregon, South Dakota, Utah and Virginia
- States that have worked towards developing breastfeeding awareness
  - California, Illinois, Minnesota, Missouri, Mississippi and Vermont

Knowing your options is the first step towards finding your own breastfeeding style.

Until next week mamas,
-Amanda

Maternity Leave & Isolation

I have another raw one for you today. Something I am sure most moms have faced.
I am hoping as you read this one your shaking your head “YES!” and have that feeling that someone else is finally right there with you.

If becoming a new mom wasn’t hard enough….lets throw mamas home alone with baby for x amount of weeks to figure it all out at the same time. You can read all the baby books you want and try to prepare, and yes, they are helpful, but there is nothing like diving in for the first time and actually doing it 24/7. Your only responsible for keeping a tiny human alive….easy right?

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Does maternity leave sound nice to you, sitting home for 6-12 (more if your lucky) weeks at home, snuggling your new baby, watching Netflix, baking cookies, visiting with family and friends…..yah? Then your probably not a mom yet.

Heres how maternity leave really is and some tips on how to get through it.

My husband was lucky enough to get 2 weeks off from work to be home with me and the baby. (1 week of it was spent in the hospital, so I only had 1 week at home with him.)…some mamas who’s partners take no time off and single mamas….damn, you guys are the REAL MVPS….I absolutely can not imagine not having my husband help.

That week at home, I was still in some serious recovery from my c-section and all the blood loss, so he did, if I remember right, every. single. diaper change. He helped with every single feeding, helped make all the meals, brought me water, snacks, drove us to appointments (I wasn’t allowed to drive for the first 6 weeks.) He waited on us hand and foot. Then…BAM, he had to go back to work and I was going to be home with our baby alone for the first time! I can’t tell you how nervous I was. I would have waves of “HELL YA, I GOT THIS!” and “Holy shit don’t leave, I can’t do this alone.” (Note: I had literally never changed a diaper alone, or even really held a baby before my own was born, so this was completely new territory for me all the way around.)

Tip 1: ASK FOR HELP! If someone wants to bring you dinner, let them!
My mom would come over 1-2 times a week and help out. She would come over and watch him for a few hours so I could go upstairs and take a nap. My parents were also rock stars and for the first couple weeks would bring us over, or come over and cook a nice meal for dinner for us 3-4 times a week. (this was such a life saver.)

The rest of my days I did sit on the coach and watch Netflix, normally with my boobs just hanging out ready to feed at all times, hair in a messy bun, my face forgot what it was like to have makeup on it, what are pants? oh, and that smell, ya thats my new custom made fragrance…its called, Leo’s spit up. Yum.

Tip 2: Sleep when baby sleeps? YA RIGHT! Tackle that to-do list.
Newborns have zero schedule or since of time. You are completely at their mercy, so when they want boob you have to be ready, when they want to nap, woot woot. Thats another myth…”nap when the baby naps….” sure….ya…..sounds good. Also probably said by someone who doesn’t have kids. I swear when Leo went down for a nap, I would either 1. get a wave of energy and go into crazy cleaning mode where I would try to clean the house as much as I possibly could. 2. Eat something for the first time that day. or 3. “oh, I am just going to check my text messages.”
…and then just like that, baby is awake, and you haven’t rested.

I had originally was going to have 12 weeks off from work, I ended up taking 13. Going back so SO HARD (but thats going to be a whole other blog post.) Anyway, I made it a good 7ish weeks where I was fine with how my days were going and I really didn’t notice that I was “alone” all day, the days soared by so fast before my husband got home, Leo kept me so busy I didn’t notice the hours going by.

Tip 3: As it gets easier….you get lonelier.
Around week 8, things started to take a little bit of a turn…..in a bitter sweet way.
Things started getting a little easier. Leo was starting to get a bit of a routine down. His feeding times and nap times started to level out “a little” and I was just becoming more productive in my time and just in being a mom. This is when I started to notice I was “alone.”

Now, I am defiantly not what you would call a social butterfly. In fact I prefer to spend my Friday nights home, snuggled up on the couch watching movies. I realized that this is only because “pre-mom” life I spend all day around other people and between all my jobs I work around 80+ hours a week, so ya, come the weekend I am ready to hibernate.

– Leaving the House Fears –
Sitting home alone with a baby, who obviously will not be talking back is mentally draining. You start craving some adult interaction. You have zero freedom. Now if your reading this and saying “oh well just go outside, take the baby with you….” you probably don’t have any kids yet, or maybe you didn’t breastfeed. Here are some fears and thoughts that run through your head those first few months with a new baby.

1. FEEDING FEARS
I had / still have such a fear of leaving the house with the baby, and its not something you can just “get over” or “just do it” GOD I HATE WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME THAT! (esp people who don’t have kids.) I am all about the normalize breastfeeding movement, but I am not comfortable just whipping my boob out at T.J Max or Hannaford to feed my baby. 1 – feedings take like 30+ min on the boob , he wiggles when he eats (so ya I might post a photo of me breastfeeding but its a still so I know your not going be getting a nip slip) When a baby breastfeeds it takes time, and he likes to take breaks, and I don’t want to just throw a blanket over his head, or sit in the car for 30+ min to do a feeding, I rather just be home where its comfortable. I know thats a choice I have made, and some mamas might feel super comfortable breastfeeding in public, and you moms are amazing, and much braver then I am. I am too much of a wimp.

2. MELT DOWN FEARS
“What if he starts screaming and having a melt down in the middle of the store and everyone starts staring?!” I get it, kids do it all the time. But you never want it to be you. & how to I calm my babe down? Boob….so that brings us right back to Fear 1. (& no I don’t use pacifiers….) “but Amanda….just use a pacifier…your making it harder on yourself.” …. to that I say….”Shut the eff up…I don’t want my babe to have a pacifier, you can use them, but its a decision we have made, to not use them.”

3. DIAPER CHANGE FEARS
This one is a pretty easy fix and not that big of a deal…but still something that you think of when you leave the house as a new mom. I have had to change Leo in the back of the car a few times, but not all places have baby changing stations, and those public bathrooms are so friggin gross.

4. NOT ENOUGH HANDS
Something I randomly thought of when Leo was younger was “well how would I get groceries with a newborn?” He can’t sit up in the cart…..the car seat isn’t safe to sit in the seat part…..and if I put the car seat in the part where the groceries go…then where do the groceries go? …. well the answer is baby wearing, but you have to start this early with your babe so that they are used to it, and so that you are used to putting the carriers on and getting the securely in and out by yourself. Again….another little thing to think about.

My point here….sometimes staying home is just a lot easier, more convenient. Maybe you are braver then me and these things are not a big deal to you, maybe you think “I will figure it out, who cares, all moms go through it…you just have to do it, just get over it.” Well good for you. Me, I couldn’t get over some of these things. I will always prefer to be home for a feeding unless I absolute have to do it outside the house. & don’t even tell me to give him a bottle. (this will all be in my haters post. coming soon.)

Also, leaving the house with a newborn, or a baby at any age, really isn’t freedom. Your going to be thinking of all of these things at all times, even if you ARE comfortable with all of it. You have to lug diaper bags, and strollers, and car seats, and the baby. Thats mom life. Wouldn’t trade it for the world. But its defiantly is not freedom.

I did have visitors here and there. But people have to go to work and understandably don’t find it to enjoyable coming over and sitting on my couch watching me look like a complete dump and trying to hold a conversation through a crying baby. I get it.

It gets really hard. people need people. we need our peers. we need human contact. Its really hard for first time moms who feel guilty for leaving the babe, or feel scared to leave the house with or without babe. Its such a mind game. stay at home moms….I give you a standing ovation.

My very first outing with a newborn:
It was a month and 5 days after he was born. My mom and my soon to be sister in law met me at my house, helped me get everything packed up, armed me with a pumpkin spice latte. Waited for me to feed the baby (I fed him right before we left the house so that I would have 2-3 hours to be out before it was time to feed him again.) Then we went to TJ Max, Starbucks in hand, wearing Leo for the first time. He slept the whole time, but I was sweating and having an anxiety attack on the inside, just hoping everything would be fine, and none of those fears would happen. Well, T.J. Max went great so we decided that I felt good enough to go to lunch. So we went to Applebees. Right after we ordered, Leo got fussy. We brought a couple oz of breastmilk and tried giving him that (my mom feeding him.) he sucked that down and was still hungry, so I did it for the first time! I breastfed him right at the table. (covered in the wrap.) It was a week day afternoon so the restaurant was practically empty, but gosh I was so nervous. I haven’t fed in public since. Only in the car and at my parents house. But you have to find your people who you feel comfortable feeding with. There is power in numbers. My mom being a lactation consultant, she was able to help me in the restaurant. Its funny it was such a simple day that I have done a million times before, T.J. Max and Applebees…but I will never forget it. My first time out being a mom.

first outing

He is in there eating too.
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Regardless of what side of the scale you fall on, every mom is different. Do what makes YOU feel comfortable. Don’t do anything for anyone else, and their comfort (except for baby of course.) 💙

Mommas if your home on maternity leave, or its coming your way, schedule time with friends and family, pick a day out of the week where you have planned visitors to look forward to, pick a day where you leave the babe with your partner or grandparent and you go to lunch with friends. Get that adult interaction. Much easier said then done, I know! But it does get easier, and you WILL feel human again!

Until next week mama’s!
-Amanda

Breastfeeding: What they don’t tell you!

This is my big…what they didn’t tell me first. I thought I had this big breastfeeding plan going into having a baby. Well I had a birth plan too, and clearly that didn’t work out either.

I will start with my story and at bottom of this post will be my fun “what they don’t tell you.” (if you wanna skip ahead, or start there and come back here.)

My Insane Breastfeeding Journey Thus Far:
My plan / my thoughts before my babe was born:
“I will 110% breastfeed ONLY.” “Formula is disgusting!” “There are too many recalls on formula.” “why would I not breastfeed?” “Only lazy moms formula feed.” – yah I was rough….dont get mad and stop reading yet…this was ALL before I had insight.

I 1,000000% believe you can not TRULY understand something, or speak about something unless you have gone through it yourself. So yes my thoughts PRE-BIRTH were just other the top. They have now changed.

So here is what happened to me.
Leo was born and put almost immediately on my breast and latched perfect! YAH! off to a good start. I continued to feed him great for the next few hours, and then (per my last blog post) things went to shit. I was unable to feed him during all the time the doctors and nurses were on me, then being rushed into surgery, and ALL the blood loss. The blood loss screwed me. (honestly the hospital screwed me over…per my last post, seriously read it if you want to understand why I am going to be so angry about all this.)

So night 2 in the hospital they had been weighing Leo, and noticing his weight going down … significantly and quickly. Not just the normal baby weight loss that all babies have after birth. They started mentioning formula to me…but NO, that would be the easy way out, and I was NOT going to have that.

So they mentioned that he had a little tough tie, that could be making his latch weak, and could also in the future result in him having a lisp. So They convinced me that taking care of the tough tie would be 1 simple snip, and he wouldn’t even be bothered by it, so they could try that first. We did. He basically slept right through it. Wasn’t phased a bit. YAH…problem solved right? ….NOPE…. little Leo kept loosing weight. It wasn’t the tongue tie…or at least wasn’t fully the tongue tie.

Turns out the blood loss was just to much for my body, and my body could not producing enough to sustain what he needed while trying to build my levels of blood back up. So at 2am on whatever night in the hospital a lactation consultant, a pediatrician and a nurse came in to talk to me. They told me that at this point, Leo was either going to need an IV to get his fluids where he needed to be, or we could just give him formula. Seems simple. But I had brainwashed myself that formula was never going to be an option…and here we are on night 2 or 3 being told that we HAVE to do it. I am balling my eyes out asking them if there is anything we can do. that I REALLY didn’t want to go down the formula path, and that I still wanted him to get some breastmilk. So here is the plan they gave me.

The CRAZY, LONG, and DRAINING journey began….
Here is how Leo got fed for the first couple months.
1. Breastfeed 20min / each side (40min total)
2. Pump for 20min (cry over only getting maybe 10mil from each side.)
3. Feed him whatever I pump (through a syringe b/c we didn’t want nipple confusion.)
4. supplement the amount I pumped vs. the amount of ml he needed in formula. (also offered via syringe….or SNS system….which really makes you feel like a cow, and is so annoying to set up and run on yourself.) (I will add an photo below if you don’t know what it is…but you fill the bottle with the formula, hold it up , unlock it so it pours out, with it taped to your chest, and rests on your nipple so that the baby can take the nipple and the tub at the same time, so that the baby has the feeling of breastfeeding while still getting the formula, so that it doesn’t cause nipple confusion and so that they can get better at breastfeeding.) —ya its a lot.

This process took about 90min every time. we did this every 3 hours. It was MENTALLY DRAINING. I would assume most would have given up and just switched to formula to skip steps 1-3. But I couldn’t.

It took about 2 months for my milk to really come in. We were going to the pediatrician every week for weight checks, and when he finally hit his birth weight again we were so happy! We were able to eliminate the formula from the program! For a while I was able to just feed him 20min each side, and then I would pump and offer him that / or store it to start creating my freezer stash.

Then we hit yet another speed bump. At his 3 month check up. The day before I went back to work, the day before he was due to start daycare the pediatrician said that he was dropping on the charts and was in the 6th percentile for weight. GREAT HERE WE GO AGAIN. SCREW YOU USELESS BOOBS!

*(this is one of those things…where unless you have been there you may not get it…but imagine how useless you feel as a mom, when the the 1 job nature created for you to do, breastfeed and sustain life…and you just are not doing it. I wrestle with this ALL THE TIME in my mind, and I have to keep telling myself its not my fault, its not my fault, its not my fault. But damn, its really hard not to be so hard on yourself as a mom.)

The new plan and what we do now:
at daycare he gets scoops of formula powder added to my breastmilk fed in a bottle for the extra calories. When he is home with me he just gets the boob.
During his 4 month weight check he fell even further and was in the 3rd percentile so we upped the amount of formula powder in the breastmilk and by his 5 month weight check he is back up to the 5th percentile so it looks like we found a system that has finally worked. *fingers crossed.* … or should I say, boobies crossed.

The good news is that Leo is totally healthy and has been reaching all his milestones and is a super happy baby. He is very long, does not get that from me. He is just a little peanut in the weight department….also not from me. But we have started to notice him chunking out a little. He’s 5 months old now and is 13lbs 11.5oz at his last weigh in.

I guess my point with all this, is you can be the biggest planner in the world, and have your mind so set on something. Like me. And it doesn’t matter, sometimes things happen, that are completely out of your control and you have to do what is best for your baby. I know that some breastmilk is better then no breastmilk (sorry to my non breastfeeding mamas, not looking to start a war.) so I am fine with giving him what I can and then supplementing in those extra calories with formula. It wasn’t my plan, but its what we have to do, and its working so we will continue. We will probably have to do this for the next few months until foods are introduced that can take the place of the formula calories.

**Some Things They DON’T Tell You**

1. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing on the planet.
– yah….in theory, but there is nothing natural about it. its HARD WORK. It does NOT happen naturally. Its ALOT of practice, tears, confusion, and you and your baby figuring each other out.

2. There WILL BE BLOOD!
– It hurts like hell. Get yourself a good nipple cream ladies. After a couple weeks or maybe sooner of nursing, your nipples get torn up, cracked and bleed. There were times where I was nursing and crying at the same time because it just hurt so much. I thought to myself, nope I am done, I can’t. But you just have to push through. Its like breaking in a new pair of shoes. Eventually it won’t hurt anymore.

3. The Judgers.
– Straight up….fuck em. SO MANY TIMES I get “why do you breastfeed?” “wouldn’t a bottle be easier?” “your limiting yourself.” I hate these people. I mean maybe they really are just curious, but I get it so often that I am just over it. I am going to do a separate blog about this one because I have a lot to say about this one. so stay tuned. Just remember these people I promise have never breastfed themselves, its right back to what I said in the beginning, you can truly not speak about something unless you have been through it.

4. Grab your snacks!
-I found myself and a lot of other breastfeeding moms are way hungrier now then when we were pregnant. Like, bottomless pit hungry! & OH SO THIRSTY. Chugging water, and body armor drinks to keep that supply up all day is a HUGE must. Also lots of oatmeal helps with supply too. They tell you you loose weight when breastfeeding because it burns calories….but I am pretty sure most moms consume those calories right back! *(fun note is that I am down 10 lbs lighter then I was pre-pregnancy…not like I was tiny before but still happy about it!…pretty sure its from the blood loss though…silver lining?…sure Amanda.)

5. You will plan your husbands death.
– ok not really….but when its 3:00am, and your sitting there nursing and he’s literally snoring and all snuggled up in dream land, you can’t help but think about putting a pillow over his head. *wink*

6. What Schedule?
-oh, you think you have it all figured out? Think again, there are so many growth spurts, right when you get on a schedule your babe hits a growth spurt and is hungry every hour, on the hour, all hours of the day for days. Don’t worry, it passes….for now.

There will be some more targeting breastfeeding topics, like The Judgers coming soon! Hope you ladies enjoyed this one! Feel free to DM me or leave in the comments any topics / subjects you would like to read about.

-until next week! ❤ stay strong mamas!

My Not So Typical Birth Story

Doctors and nurses who were not assigned to me were coming in just to look at me because they couldn’t believe that I was alive….

On August 13th 2018 I started having contractions around 1:00 a.m. Of course I wasn’t sure because I haven’t felt this before. They felt like really intense period cramps and they were getting stronger and stronger. I started tracking them in my notes ap on my phone. Then I found an ap online where you click when the contraction starts and then you click again when its done, so it measures how often and how long they last. Mine were lasting 1-2 min. I stayed in bed for a while with them, then couldn’t lay down anymore so I stood in the bathroom. I started texting my mom and sending her screen shots of the contraction times. She suggested I call into the hospital because it was probably time!

I decided to go ahead and wake my husband up. I stood over him and calmly tapped his shoulder, he shot right up asking if I was ok. I said, “I have to call the hospital, it might be time.” He got up all disoriented asking what he needed to do. Nothing yet. I called the hospital, they asked if I was well hydrated, and told me to drink a few glasses of water and lay on my left side to see if that calms anything down and to call back in an hour and let them know if it helped. It did not. I called back and told them the contractions were getting stronger. They told me I could go ahead and come in! Crazy! I was leaving my house and coming back with a baby!

My husband grabbed our hospital bags that we had already prepared (I will post about that soon.) I threw some shorts and a bra on and we headed out. The ride there seemed so fast and so slow at the same time. I wanted to hurry up and be there so that I would be in the right place for the baby to come. When the contractions hit time stood still waiting for them to pass.

Once we arrived it was before the front doors were open so we had to go through the ER entrance (the opposite side of the hospital as the maternity wing.) they asked if I wanted a wheel chair, but I thought I could do it myself. So we waddled across the hospital, up the elevator and down a couple more wings to reach the maternity ward. They checked me in, and brought me to a room.

I changed into a Johnny and they had me pee in a cup…(to make sure I was pregnant? I am not sure why I had to do that.) I was then hooked up to the machine that tracks your contractions, the length and strength of them. They had a hard time keeping the straps on where they were suppose to be for some reason. But the contracts they were capturing where very strong. I had to squeeze my eyes close and just concentrate on getting past it. They would whisper to me, “you got it, its almost over, your doing great, you can do it.” I just wanted to be like….Shut up, you do it then! But I never made a peep.
We were told SO many times that a doctor was coming in to check me….a couple hours went by before one actually saw me. They checked me and I was 2cm but I was due for a c-section. (I will share the reasoning for this in another post.) The doctor said she wanted to get me in within an hour for the c-section. From here things started going really fast.

I was given non slip socks to wear, one of the nurses gave me her hair tie because I didn’t have one, and we started calling our parents and updating them that a baby was going to be here in just a couple hours!

The anesthesiologist came in and asked me some questions, I don’t really remember what, but explained to me what was going to happen in the operating room. Luckily my mom had already given me the run down because I was not paying to much attention due to the contractions. They gave my husband a full body outfit and hairnet so that he could join in the OR.

It was time…I walked down the hall to the OR with a couple nurses and my husband, my husband had to stop at a certain door and would be walked in after I was prepped. I remember walking into the room and it being SOOOO bright. everything white and the brightest spotlights on the ceiling. There were large stains on the tile and I remember wondering what could have happened before that caused that much blood to stain the floor like that. But I pushed that out of my mind as best I could. I had to sit at the edge of the bed and hunch forward, and they gave me a spinal. Almost instantly my whole bottom half went completely numb. I was guided back down to the operating table and they swung my legs up for me. Now I was completely unable to do anything for myself.

My arms were lightly strapped down with my arms open in the T position. they placed warm blankets over my arms and chest, placed a hair net over my head, inserted flowing air to my nose and put a curtain up so I could not see anything going on. Next, a test was done to be sure I was numb, I couldn’t feel the contractions anymore, which after hours of having them was so relaxing. They poked me in several places asking if I could feel it, and I couldn’t so they started moving forward with the c-section.

They cleaned the area, got everything ready, and then walked my husband in. There was a stool for him to sit on up by my left shoulder. The operation was started. I was cut open. (I didn’t feel a thing, just some light tugging.) I was shaking like crazy, thats something they don’t tell you. The spinal, makes you shake like crazy! I wasn’t cold, and it wasn’t nerves, I was surprisingly very calm, just a reaction to the medicine.
Before I knew it I was told that they were about to take him out. My husband stood up with his camera phone and started snapping photos. We have photos of the exact moment our son was lifted up out of me. I wasn’t feeling any of this, but I was getting updates by the looks on my husbands face. Then it happened. I heard that little cry for the first time, and my entire world changed. I felt a few tears fall down my cheeks. I couldn’t believe it. NOW it was really real. Ya, I had been pregnant for 9 months….but now he is here! They wrapped him up and brought him over to the warmer to suction out his nose and mouth. (when you have a c-section rather then a vaginal birth, liquids are not squeezed out in the birth canal, so they have to manually do it.)
My husband followed them over while they did all of this, and they pulled down a large t.v. screen for me to watch everything that was happening at the warmer while they stitched me up.

They brought my son over to me for a moment between the clean up so I could see, kiss and meet him. Although I feel like I had known him my entire life. Then they had to take him back to finish all of his measurements and all that other stuff they do.

When they brought him back to me they placed him on my chest to get him started on breastfeeding, they latched him for me and helped keep him in place. (I couldn’t do much or move much from being strapped down and cut open.) He took to the breast right away which was AMAZING. He stayed with me while they finished doing all the stitches, this part seemed to take forever. when they were done I was moved over to what would be my bed for the next 5 days. I held my son on my chest and they wheeled us into the recovery area.

This is where things start to get fuzzy, because where my recovery should have started, turned into a down hill spiral.

In the recovery room I continued to hold my son for a while, and then my husband held him, during which time they did tests on me, to see where I was at. They wanted me to get feeling in my legs again before they brought me into our room. They did a thing where they rolled me from one side to the other, I had to grip the side of the bed and use the zero arm strength I have to pull me over, with the only thought of my insides pouring out, and I could feel blood gushing out. At this point they said it was normal, so I didn’t think to much of it. But the PAIN during this roll was unreal. I didn’t understand how did I just get internal and external stitches through several layers of my body and now I am rolling from side to side? OUCH! I remember being so tired and trying not to nod off, I didn’t want to miss anything.

I held him on me while we were rolled into our room. Husband following by our side.
As we were rolled in I saw my parents, balloons and streamers. They had decorated the whole room from corner to corner for us. It was so sweet. They were so excited to meet him, their first grandchild! They met him, and then my husbands parents came and met him, which I do not remember at all.

The nurses were coming in and checking me, my mom started to notice how white I looked and that I was not being myself and that something was wrong. The nurses kept checking my abdomen, and my uterus was very high, and full of blood. The doctor came in and had to reach her hand up past my cervix and manually drain out the blood. It came gushing out and I felt instant relieve, but the pain of her reaching up was unreal and she did it about 3 times in a row to be sure she got it all, each time an extremely large amount of blood came gushing out.

For about an hour or so I would start to feel “normal” I even put on a little makeup in bed and we did a little family photo and my sons announcement photo. But then as quickly as I felt the relief from the drainage, the pain would come back with the tiredness and just being completely out of it. The doctor had to come back and my uterus was way higher and full again, she had to reach in again and perform the same task of removing the clot. This happen a few times throughout the day.

If you haven’t put it together yet….I was loosing ALOT of blood.

Another wave of, ok this is over and I can recover now hit around 6pm, and my parents decided to head out and allow me to order some dinner and get some rest. An hour later things drastically changed. Around 7pm another anesthesiologist came darting in telling me I was going into surgery within 30min or things “would not be good.” He started grilling me on if I had had anything to eat, I had managed to get a piece of toast down (the only thing I had all day.) He gave ma a lot of trouble that….like I knew that I was going to surgery? No bud. Sorry.

My husband called my parents to tell them I was on my way into surgery so they might want to come back. This was all happening so fast. Now this is an image I will never be able to get out of my head, my husband standing there holding our fresh new baby, and just the look of fear, confusion and panic as they wheeled me out of the room. I can’t believe how fast this happened.

What comes next is dark and out of body. So stick with me.

I remember being wheeled into the same OR where something so wonderful and precious took place just hours earlier that day, and now I was in this room under the stress and strain from doctors, nurses and anesthesiologist worried about the clock. I laid there, staring up at the extremely bright lights again and white, white ceiling and just thinking this could be it for me. I had meds flowing through my veins and I was just so tired. I closed my eyes, and although I was full of panic, I have never felt more relaxed at the same time. I felt nothing physically, I couldn’t hear anything, I just felt the blankets on my arms again and nothing else. I thought to myself, my husband can do this….he is going to be a great dad, he will be fine if I don’t come out of this, at least right now I am not in any pain. If I die now, I will go pain free, I won’t even know it happened, I will just slip away. I was trying to justify the possibility of me dying and telling myself it would be ok.

I woke up 2 or so hours later in the recovery room again. My husband and son came to the room to see me. I felt better, but I was so tired, and I was in and out. I don’t remember much, except for seeing them. And feeling relieved. We were wheeled back into our room my parents were back and relieved to see me out of surgery.

We found out that I had a golf ball sized, retained placenta. (now…if your not sure about why this is so bad….let me fill you in….since I had a c-section….my placenta was literally in their hands, and the doctor should have cleaned it out…..and missed a golf ball size piece….and just put it back.) pure carelessness. so if you were not angry already reading this….I am sure you are now.

I had to go back into that surgery for a few things. first they went in and literally vacuumed out my uterus to get anything else out that should not have been there. Then a Bakri Balloon was inserted and filled with saline. (it would stay for 24hours). Then I received a blood transfusion.

I can’t tell you anything else from that night. I don’t remember. Its such a blur. I also can not tell you how absolutely devastating it is to not be clear on the day your first baby was born because so much was going on, being in pain, being in and out of it. It is all just a huge blur.

The next morning I was to receive more 3 more bags of blood, and I was taking so many pills, I am not sure what I was on at this point. But things did get better from here on out! I was feeling more myself, I could hold my son more. I could talk more to people. Still didn’t leave bed till day 3. (I still had a catheter and the balloon in). They drained half of the balloon on day 2 and left it for a couple hours and when everything seemed to be in the clear they drained the rest of the balloon and removed the catheter. Finally my pee wouldn’t be on display on the side of the bed anymore. This post started with “Doctors and nurses who were not assigned to me were coming in just to look at me because they couldn’t believe that I was alive….” and that is exactly what was happening. I am later told, I was literally knocking on deaths door. I lost 73% of my blood volume. 73%.

Recovery has been unbelievably tough, and so many people don’t understand. Months later and I am still trying to get my blood count back up. It hasn’t been just physical though it has been a lot of emotional and mental too. My mind had never gone the places they did in that operating room and it haunts me sometimes. I know I am so lucky and blessed that I made it, but I am definitely struggling with some PTSD from everything. Don’t let the power of makeup and a smile always fool you. You never really know what some people are battling on the inside.

We went in at 4:00am on the 13th and got to come home after lunch on the 17th. They wanted to keep us 1 more night, but I basically told them we were leaving I just couldn’t be in there one more day, I felt like I was going crazy.

During our time in the hospital there were a lot of issues with breastfeeding and weight loss with my son. But I am going to cover that in another post.

Thank you for sticking through, this is probably the longest and deepest post I will ever have, but knowing all of this I think will really help in understanding future posts.

-Thanks for reading. I will be back next Wednesday.

Introduction.

So who am I, and why do you care?
My name is Amanda, and maybe you don’t. Thats fine with me.

I am 29 (until next month.) A first time mom to the most adorable baby boy who is 20 weeks and 2 days old today. I am breastfeeding and I had a c-section. I am a working mom, not only at a 40 hour a week corporate job, but I run my own photography/video/makeup business. I am also a wife, to my wonderful husband who has been by my side for 7 years, and married for 3.
I do not claim to be an expert in anything medical. However, my mom is a midwife, a lactation consultant, a doula, and a nurse. So I do have ALOT of awesome information at my fingertips. I have on call help at all times which is such a blessing!

I am starting this blog to simply share some of my experiences that I have had and hope to help any other first time moms out. There are so many things that they just don’t tell you and I plan to be as raw as I can to help some other mama’s out and be the blog that I so desperately wished was out there over the past 4 months. (well 13 months, because pregnancy is a whole other crazy beast too, and I will cover some of that here in the blog as well.)

So follow along…or don’t….you won’t hurt my feelings. If I give off 1 helpful tip to just 1 person then my job is done.

Enjoy!